Jobs!

Who the fuck decides on what nonsense is put into a job description. The following is an actual job advert from a recruitment website. Can anyone tell me what the job actually is?

"This is your chance to be the voice of one of the largest banking, financial services organisations in the UK. Speaking to people from all walks of life every day on the telephone, you’ll take a genuine interest in each and every one of them. Listening to their needs, finding out about their hopes for the future, and answering their questions, you’ll build a real rapport with our customers. You’ll show them how much we value them. And, by proactively offering products and services that suit their situation, you’ll work towards achieving your target’s and help us create better value for them too.

Taking real ownership of every call, you’ll show pride in everything you do. Offering simple, straightforward advice, you’ll always do your best to resolve a call – but when you do need to transfer someone to a colleague, you’ll take care to make the process as smooth as possible. Striking a perfect balance between friendliness and efficiency, you’ll take good care of your own performance too and identify opportunities to develop new skills. As a team player, you’ll also look after your colleagues, by sharing advice and offering them positive support." 

What?

And this is how one company describes itself:

"Our client is a progressive membership organisation representing an industry sector that contributes significantly to the Northern Ireland economy and an increasingly important element of the future growth of that economy.

Their role is to support the integrity and sustainability of our members businesses and the long term commercial viability of the industry across Northern Ireland. Whilst providing an effective advocacy with Industry Suppliers, Government and other key stakeholders on issue of interest or concern.

In partnership with key industry suppliers they are establishing an Industry Development Programme to include an enhanced range of services and resources aimed at supporting improved performance, quality and diversification within its members’ businesses."

Somebody kill me now. I'm done with this world. 

Right... here's some Dan Sartain to make me feel better again. He was amazing last night.